stuff I’m thinking about

Just wanted to link around

1. There is a decent collection of real Scandi.navian jewlery (all in $10-15 range) on e.Bay, the seller is inkarin. Given that I’m post-IVF broke, I can’t buy it but hope at least someone can enjoy. Good hand-made designer stuff…  

2. Found a great book – Obstet.rics and Gynec.ology in Chi.nese Medicine by Giov.anni Macio.cia…It cost $170 on amazon, but you can read it for free on google;s books…I have a Chinese friend at work, whose entire family is crazed on TC.M. Her mom visits her twice a year with 5 huge bags full of herbals, make her every day massage, special baths, and spent half a day preparing some special nutritional food every day. Well, my friend just had a healthy baby girl in September – and she did not have nauscea, bloating, swelling – nothing ’cause mom was taking such a good care of her. Well, to make things short – ’cause I can barely keep my eyes open:-), that book contains  at least some of the information that my friend told me, like black chicken, etc.  

 3. Last lecture… it’s very sweet but I cried my eyes out. But it’s really worth reading.

http://randompensees.mu.nu/archives/241180.php

day 3

While I basically had an anxiety attack with a catheter inside:-) ( I had to ask to transfer less embies than THEY had originally planned but more than I had originally planned!) but still I did it! 

It’s so weird – when I layed on the table, all I could think about was my main doctor (who suggested # of embies)  - and my angry (!?) thoughts were – “Gosh, this man REALLY decided to get me pregnant!”… Duh!:-)) Can you imagine? I blame it for temporary hormonal insanity. And later when I stayed there for half an hour afterwards, all I could think about was how RIGHT it all seems, even despite all this high-tech:-)

well, now,  my bre.asts are ridiculously tender, and all I can think about these days is …s.e;x., plus I have insomnia but when I do sleep I have the weirdest dreams (where people suicide, i.e. hang themselves in bizzare dresses – kind of the one Keir.a Knitley? weared in P.irates of carribbe.an, when dead ones on the ship got her jumping at night upside down:-) ]  but guess it’s a side effect of progester.one. No cramps, no bloating, I’m 4 lbs down, and making mental notes for raising money for next try. 

So, on this note, I actually went to see recru.iters yesterday, and got commented by partners (behind my back) that I’m “wicked smart”:-)) and as a result, they came back suggesting me some crap in the quants–uber-deriva.tives-he.dge- funds. And how can I explain them that no brains can save me as I can’t concentrate for more than 40 minutes:-( There was an interesting combination of partners in the recr. firm – very warm smiley girl (former PW.C) and terribly intimmidating guy, with a very unpleasant energetics – you know I can’t even look in his eyes.

I think I skipped my regular C.P,A category – well, no major progress here. But I honestly did read about defer.ed ta.x liability (hi meg -how is life?;-).

I have to confess, and I’m dying from embarrassment here:-) – I got a driv.ing li.cense a week ago. Well, I never needed it – in mosc.ow and n..y.c, I used subw.ay, and in cop.enha.gen and hambur.g – tram.s and bycicles (not just me, everybody did:-).) Actually, the main reason is that my mom never allowed me to get it – my first cousin lost his leg upto his knee in some accident…But I think she finally got reconcilied with the idea that you can’t live here without a car…

uncertainty

To be perfectly honest with you, I’m quite scared. Well, not exactly, may be closer to confused.

they only retrieved 7 foll. yesterday partially ’cause my fib.roid. conveniently resides on top of the right ova.ry, where most (bigger) eggs were.  From another point of view, they were monitoring 7-10, and given my real low stims, guess it’s alright. my fsh initially was 4.8, so I’m old but not that ancient.

Just got a call from the nurse : of the 7,  5 were mature and 4 (four!) got fertilized with ic.s.i God bless the embryo lab and many thanks to the iri.sh dude – he obviously rules! I”m slightly perplexed about Russia.n/I.rish combination but I’ll worry about it later. well, given my modest crop, I’m scheduled for day 3, which is on thursday @ 2pm.  

On a shitty side, I got a flu, with 100.2 ish for the second morning and much higher in the afternoon, (which I don;t check ’cause – why to worry?), and I can;t walk/sit. Well, last week was completely crazy, so I had anticipated I’d pay for it, and I’m always sick after surgeries. If this continues, I think I’ll ask them to freeze – it was the last thought I had yesterday before I felt asleep under anesthesia. The first 2 months are THE MOST important in pregnancy, and I don’t want kids to pay for it.  I don;t want to think about the negative side of the freez. process – and I do know what could happen. I think I’ll go with my gut feeling, and I still will get prepared for day 3. 

You know what, I think I’m kinda relieved.     

  

the day of hsg

ok, after 10 days of stims, looks like there about 7-10 follies, 2.0,1.9,1.8,1.7mm, etc., so I’m getting that hsg shot tonight at 11:15pm. which brings ER to 10:15am on Monday.

They cancelled it yesterday, and called me in the evening with instructions to continue stims. So, I had to run at 6 pm like crazy from C.T (where all nearby pharamacy were already closed, and I don;t have a car, so I take trains/subways) to N.YC to buy more medicine, then come back at 10 pm, only to leave back at 5 am. So, I need to survive today the shot,  tomorrow’s pre-op @ 6:30am, then CP.A course through 5pm, and then I’m in chocolate, and coming back to CT. 

anyway, today is nice, I’ve been sitting most of the day at star.bucks next to Cor.nell, waiting for the shot, doing (pretending mostly) CPA and listening to some great music. just could not be better!

cd11

One underperformer grew up to 19mm, 2 on the other side are 14mm and something.

Doc says looks good, get ready for retrieval on Sunday. Foll. is down to 75, Meno.pur 150, lupron 5IU. 

   

cd10

For the first time in this cycle, I;ve been checked by attending rather than resident. and it was not my personal doctor – they have a team approach in Corne.ll – each attending checks data of every patient. and heck – this was the funny one – he says hello and shakes your hand while already looking at your ute.rus:-) everybody was raving on the board as to how hot he is…well, dunno, guess, other are even worse than this one:-)

The crop is not that high – he counted 2 on the left side, and one on the right. But he only looked at the biggest ones, and they are 14mm, 11mm, and something. He said that they are still small but they are growing. Well, at least I”m consistent literary inside out – I personally do everything slowly, and my follies are in no hurry as well. but they are performing. 

I never talked to my family about my IV.F…they are all overseas, and might disapprove my extravagancy…so, I finally chose yesterday ”the guy” (as I wrote yesterday), and I fall asleep with a thought that he sounds as careless as my younger brother.

So, my mom suddenly called me this morning, and asked out of the blue - “are you pregnant by any chance?” I had to respond – “nope, and you?” anyway, she had a dream that I had a son, and she used that adjective which I struggle to translate again, which characterizes busy and independent shameless little bastards:-)), exactly like your brother, added she. I could not stop laughing my entire day. On the positive note, thank God, she did not see twins.

I’m bruised like hell from all these blood tests. I already don’t have veins left on the inside of my arms, so now they are sucking my blood from outside next to elbows, while dreaminly inspecting my hands.

Next appointment is tomorrow morning, blood test and u/s, folli.stim is down to 125, meno.pur is 150, lupr.on 5IU.

cd9

I had an u/s and blood test today, and those follies guys decided to start growing! Ha!

Surly resident counted 4 on the left and 5 on the right, and she only looked at big ones.  I heard something like 11mm, etc. I try to listen as less as possible  – let Cor.nell worry, let follies grow, thank God that I  don’t need to ctrl anything. Nice feeling, for a change. So, I’ve just got instructions to continue stims day 7 on the same protocol. 150, 150, 0.5

As a result of this news, I finally placed an order on those other guys, required for this child-making process. It was killing me!!! I started thinking about it last December, and back then I saw real funny profile, and I’m a sucker for a smart humour. Oh yeah, he IS smart. Then again, it was the only baby’s picture there that makes me laugh. He’s only like 1 year old there but looks like one heck of a very busy and independent (can’t find a correct word in English) little basta.rd:-)) On the negative side, Irish (obviously:-) dude is into parties, chatting, wandering in the woods, motorcycle acci.dents, and smoking we.ed. He is 25 but he is still at college, and does not seem to be driven at all. Sort of, all things that I’m not, speaking of my 4 (accidental) Masters degrees, and perennial drive.  Initially, I wanted someone very organized sort of to dillute my AD.D. But the more I read about their successes, the more scared I got of having little boss at home. I was afraid how is he gonna judge my weaknesses. I want someone warm and forgiving. I want someone I can be good friends with. With that Irish one – I can:-)  And at least, he sounds happy, and is the only one who said that his father is kind. I was looking for that “kind” word over and over, and he was the only one who said it.  So, after 10 months of agonizing, I ended up with my, basically, 1st choice. Oh – and the reason, I use “he” speaking of the “kid” is because every word has a gender in my native language. “kid” is he.

In other news, I was deadly nausceous this morning, and thought that I would pass out on every subway stop, transfer, etc. First I thought, it’s my hormones, but it looks like it’s consequence of my lovely morning vitafol pill instead. It got much better, so, after appointment, I spent 7 hours in La P.ain Quo.tidien with wooden communal tables – very cozy place, I only hate its classic music-  and FINALLY (yes, yes, yes!!!) worked on my resume. I need to finish this madness of 100+ hours.

Last Thursday, one of my debit cards failed to work at Cor.nell, so I went to talk to Cha.se rep in the place right next to my drugstore. We ended up having nicest talk about H1.-B, g.reen car.ds (she got it through Chas.e), my very famous client, priva.te equi.ty, leverag.ed buyo.uts and all exciting stuff like that, and she said that I should apply for job in Cha.se.  And for some reasons, I got a feeling it make work for me. So, I sent today my resume to 2 places and 1 recruitor (very cool for me, usually this job searching stuff is killing me.) 

Hmm, C.P.A…Did not even open damn thing today. Oh well.

cd7 and please use auctionartists

I had an u/s and blood test yesterday, and looks like I’m not responding to meds (in my humble opinion.) There are still tons of real small foll. from both sides. However, they had not change instructions – still 150 follis,,tim, 150 men,,opur and 5 IU lupr..on. Well, they know better. Next u/s and blood test on Tuesday.

In useful tips, I was told that Gatorad.e helps to prevent bloating.

From now on – I’m using that auctionartists link (below) for googling. It’s authentic googl.e search but all proceeds go towards surgery of one little boy. A birdnest blogged about it (see link below.)

http://www.auctionartists.com/

http://abirdsnest.wordpress.com/2007/06/29/its-not-brain-surgery-people-oh-wait-yes-it-is/

The weather is so great here at Tri-state. at least it looks amazing from where I’m sitting at the damn table next to the damn comp with a damn CP.A exam. I made no progress whatsoever over the past week (opted to wonder around NYC), so definitely have to catch up. There is this amazing professor from NY.U teaching Beck.er. I leave the class and I don’t need to open lecture again and again.  I taped his last lecture, and transferred file to my comp, so can share it if Go.d forbids someone needs it.

I might update later… there is a lot going on here… 

cd3 – start

Ran today for my first 7am appointment: ”your linen is nice and thin, there are small foll. from both sides, and that’s what we are looking for.” Just got a voice-mail that I’m starting off today with 150 follistim +150 menopur + reducing lupron to 5 units. I did not ask for my hormone levels ’cause I decided to trust them – slow and steady sounds good for me.

Insurance does not cover much (with the exception of lupron, and may be menopur) as my RE is out of network, so I took out my entire 401k. The market anyway drives me nuts, and I’m perenially expecting recession. Sorry, I digressed. Initially, I went to the one in network, whereI had done all the testing and hysteroscopy  but after reading the board for couple of months and looking at statistics, I decided I can’t experiment – everybody (and I mean it – EVERYBODY) there was either overstimmed or supressed. Ha? Yeah, right, like I can take chances and grow 3rd ovary, just in case. So, I called Corn.ell’s Dr Dav.s basically while I was still drugged on my way from hysteroscopy in February, and initially got an appointment only for June 21 (long waiting list. But in my opinion, it makes sense to have a consult with him or anyone in Corn-ell for that matter, before you start IVF cycle. They do have good stats, and they do tons of consults. I think it’s $400 over the phone and $700 in person, and you need to fax them all test results. Actually, looks like the strongest point of Cornell is their lab, so those of us who does not necessarily have superior eggs might get an extra help.) My whining did paid off – I got there actually on March 15. Everything was more or else alright  (or as expected) with one major exception I was not immune to the f-n varicella. and it took me 4 (four!) months and 2 sets of vaccination to fight it!!!!! and after that vaccines, mind you, I felt sicker than after hysteroscopy, sonohysterohram, and that crap which check you tubes, combined. rrrrrrrrr.

In other news:

Supposedly cheapest drugstore that gives discount to self-paid patients:

Schraft’s (special pharmacy). they ship fedex

tel 800-876-4545; fax 800-572-1014

If all goes as expected it’s gonna be 8 days of stim.

Off I go – wish me luck. 

IV.F resource – updated

I think the best resource is the following board:

www dot ivfconnections dot net/board

ADDED:

They have discussions on every possible fertili.ty topic. My personal favorites were Cornell15, 16 and all Cornell earlier threads (IVF by location-NY-Cornell.) I think couple of months ago admins intended to delete inactive threads but I’m hoping something is still there.